The Christmas season has once again entered our world and left just as quickly. All the weeks of preparation and anticipation were gone in a matter of hours, or for some who were able to stretch it out, short days. I will admit, I love the Christmas season - the decorations, lights, trees - I love them all. I love the sound of Christmas music filling the stations and stores (as long as it's after Thanksgiving, of course). However, this year, was different. We didn't go all out on the decorations, tree, presents, etc. This Christmas was about survival and getting used to the way the holiday season would be from now on. Luckily, Parker is small enough to allow this. He didn't know that we didn't put up a tree up or brought out very little decorations. He didn't even know that we played Christmas music just a little less this year. For me, this year, even the music was different. While most were singing classic Christmas songs, the above song kept playing over and over in my head. This is a family song of sorts for us. This was the song my mother walked down the aisle to when she married my dad. This song was played at both my grandfather's funerals, my mother's funeral, and this particular version started off my dad's funeral. It is a song that has always been very special to my family and this is the song that has constantly been echoing from my mouth and heart this holiday season.
I knew this Christmas would be rough. It's hard not having either of my parents here due to losing them under such young, unexpected circumstances. It's weird to think that the feeling of a childhood home, and simply being a child still, is now gone. I really do believe, no matter how old you are, you still want to feel like a child. You still want that love from a Mama and Daddy and that feeling of being protected - being taken care of. I expected to lose that feeling one day. I expected for that chapter to close and one day become the only Mama left, making my babies and grandbabies feel that way. I just never expected for that chapter to be closed by 28.
However, this Christmas, my heart can't help but sing "How Great THOU Art!"
Despite the pain so deep it often times will take my breath away, I know that I was blessed to have amazing parents for 28 years. While I feel it was too short, I know it's a lifetime compared to the time some get with their parents. Are there hardships and aches that come from losing a parent? Absolutely. Are some more difficult and trying than others? Absolutely. But one fact remains - it doesn't matter what age you lose your parent or how you lose them, you will always wish for just one more moment. More importantly, I know that it's not the end. I know that I will get to spend eternity with them, where we will never be separated again, but can worship a wonderful God and smile seeing how all the hurt and whys came together to bring about a perfect plan. And for that, I can't help but praise Him for how great He is.
I still have a wonderful family left here on Earth. I know there will still be heartaches. I know there are still trials ahead, some that may seem to difficult to bear. However, these past few days, as I watched my son, who grows and learns every single day, find such joy in life, I can't help but remember how blessed I am. I'm not even talking about the enjoyment he got from his presents. I'm talking about the simple joy in life. The squeals he let out when his Aunt Rachel arrived at the door. The laughs that came so fierce from playing peek-a-boo they brought on hiccups. The smile that stretched from ear-to-ear when he caught us watching him from the kitchen as he played outside, realizing he was free to run around. These are little moments to be so thankful for. No, he will never know my parents. He will have no pictures of himself with my Mama. He will not remember the moments he sees in pictures of him with my Daddy. However, he will be able to take part in their legacy. He will hear stories and watch videos. He will experience the traditions and values that they have passed down. He won't realize it, but every day, he will be experience who they were and are through those moments. It doesn't take the place of being able to physically interact with them. That ache, that hole, will always be there. However, I can't help but smile through tears at how great God is to leave us with those pieces.
The part that warms my heart the most, is this:
When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
Praise God that this is not the end. Praise God that there will come a day when all shall be made new and we shall once again be with those who we have missed for so many years. Praise God that there will come a day when we can take a step back, see His master plan, fully understand all that He has done for us, and truly proclaim at His feet, surrounded by those we love "My GOD, how GREAT thou art!"
We hope that this Christmas you were able to enjoy your family and friends, as well as find all the ways that you have been blessed this year. We hope, this Christmas season, you were once again reminded just how great He truly is and all that He has done for us and continues to do for us through His son.
From our family to yours, Merry Christmas!
